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1:15 and counting

It’s so late/early, and I can’t seem to turn my brain off.  Grr.

I wrote a blog post on my other blog a couple of hours ago.

And I tried getting to sleep about one hour ago. Obviously that didn’t work.

I have an early eight hour shift tomorrow, so I SHOULD be sleeping.

Sigh.

Try telling my mind that. It doesn’t want to shut up. If only I was a genius. Then maybe it would at least be telling me useful stuff, instead of just repeating the same five thoughts over and over again.

Ugh.

So bored and tired.

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Headache

I really really want to talk this out.

I’ve been feeling physically less then ideal for probably months now.

(Fatigue, headaches, tingly hands and arms, dizziness.  And no, I’m not pregnant.)

Went to a doctor a couple of weeks ago, got some blood work done. Apparently my vitamin D was low.

So, this is my second week of being on vitamin D.  Yeah, my physical energy is somewhat better.  But I think maybe that fix is making my other problems more obvious.

Funny thing is, the doctor mentioned a couple of other ailments that could be causing some of my symptoms.  One was a pinched nerve in my neck. Another was depression.  (Runs in my family.)

I think both might still be a problem.

For *about* a week straight now, my neck has hurt, and there’s been a headache hovering.

I bounce from being discouraged, angry, apathetic, sad, sorry, and the occasional happy moment,  and even though I have more “energy”, I still don’t want to do anything.

And I think maybe the vitamin is making my stomach upset. Which is hard to imagine, since I only take it once a week.  O_o

I don’t know what to do with all of this.

Today

I didn’t think I would use this blog again. Guess I was wrong.
I just recently decided to write in my other blog. Y’know, the one that connects to Facebook and all. The one I actually want people to read.
This blog is my “I’m really stressed and want to vent, without the danger of my mom and grandma and whoever I’m venting about reading it.”
Ugh.
Today is just not a great day. I thought it was going to be a good day this morning. I was lying in bed, enjoying my sleep-in time with my husband. Twas grand.
But of course, that couldn’t last. It IS a Monday, after all.
;_;
Sigh.
I had so much I wanted to accomplish today. And now it looks as though I won’t get to any of it. Because I’m just too grumpy to care.
At least I’ll be going to work in half an hour. Might as well earn some money if I can’t be productive at home.  ;-(
God, please help me. I’m unable to help myself. I’m ridiculously selfish and moody, and the littlest life disruption ruins my day. Help turn my day around.

Love, pathetic me.

くそ。だめだ。しの。

This is kind of how I feel tonight….

Except not really…..

You know what I mean.

Don’t you?

Bad Day

I hate everything today….  >(

I hate that I’m wrong or misinformed so often.

I hate that when I AM right, I doubt myself.

I hate that I am not perfect in everything that I care about.

I hate that I cannot read people better.

I hate that I cannot spin worth a darn.

I hate that my self-worth is so closely tied to my observations of how the people around me think about me.  Not to mention my stress level, hormones, and everything else under the sun.

I hate that I’m a selfish bastard.  (Yes, I did just use that word.  If I’m ever going to swear in public, I figure this blog is the place to do it.)

Basically, today is what you’d call a “bad day.”

On the plus side, if you’re just dying to talk to an extremely apathetic cynic, I’m available for interviews anytime today.  =P

Responsibility

Can I just take a week off of being responsible?  Hm.  No?  Sigh.  Ok.  Nevermind.

Middle ground

Ha, I know I don’t often write on this blog, but I feel like it’s time again.

And, compared to most of the posts here, this one will probably look like “sunshine and roses.”  ;P

No complaining this time.

No groaning.  Not in THIS particular one.

I’m actually feeling pretty ok.

However, I do have an observation.

Interesting things have been happening in my life of late.  Strange, new things.  It’s funny how unexpected such things are.  Even when you can somewhat see them coming, they’re always a surprise.  O_o  Don’t ask me how that works that way, it just does.

Anyhoo, I have no idea where I’m heading, and how life is going to look in the near future.  I obviously didn’t before either, but now I KNOW I don’t know.

There are so many possible outcomes.

And I’m ok with that.  At least, for now.  It’s kind of fun.  Just a tad.  (Squeee…?)

If I have one talent, it’s going with the flow.  I’m super good at that, most of the time.  Chilling is my speciality.

So, yeah.  I guess what I’m saying is, I’m in the mood to embrace the mystery.

But I still need to be mindful of my actions and words.  This is much harder than it used to be, unfortunately.  What’s with that?!?

So, middle ground, here I come.  Again.  XP